The Three Steps of a Real Apology: From Words to Repair
(AKA: You Are Not the Center of the Emotional Universe) Failure is Mandatory. That’s not just cult doctrine or a bumper sticker for emotionally self-aware weirdos. It’s the undeniable truth of being human. You will screw up. You will say something that stings, or lands flat, or rolls out of your mouth like a passive-aggressive […]
False Truths, Factual Truths, and the Cult of Honesty
Truth is slippery—like trying to nail Jell-O to the ghost of a wall you hallucinated in therapy. Sometimes truth feels solid, like a stone in your hand. Other times it dissolves into smoke the moment you grab for it. And the most dangerous truths? Those are the ones believed most sincerely by people who think […]
Trump Didn’t Yell for Three Days. Obviously, He Was Dead
Don’t Worry—He Rose Again, Caps Lock and All. The Rumor That Trump Was Dead Over Labor Day weekend 2025, America managed to gaslight itself into believing President Donald Trump was dead. Not because of a press release. Not because of a rogue nurse live-streaming from Walter Reed. Nope. The country collectively freaked out because—for three […]
The Frozen Drink That Would Not Freeze
An allegory in slush, salt, and surrender The sun was the kind that peels your ambitions off like melting vinyl decals—relentless, smug, and unbothered by SPF 100. It pressed against skin like a cosmic dare, daring you to care about anything except shade, hydration, and surviving the slow roast of late-stage capitalism in a human […]
The Illusion of Control:
A Cultic Take on Tactical Overreach There’s a very specific flavor of batshit that kicks in when power structures start believing their own press releases. It’s like watching a snake eat itself and then sue its stomach for insubordination. This weekend, during a Pizza-Pool-Pitchers cult gathering (equal parts margaritas and mutual concern), we hit that […]
When “No Murders This Week” Is Just Another Political Ad:
aka Another Example of Fox News Completely Giving Up On Journalism Fox Baltimore recently ran a headline claiming Washington, D.C. went seven days without a homicide—thanks, they say, to the National Guard deployment ordered by President Trump. The implication is clear: send in the soldiers, and crime disappears. Look, everyone—we just needed a military presence […]
Getting Out of Our Own Damn Way
Miswanting, Helplessness, and Why Happiness Is Such a Slippery Bastard You ever want something—really want it—only to get it and feel… nothing? Or worse: slightly ill and vaguely ashamed, like you just betrayed your future self for five minutes of mediocre pleasure? You think, “I deserve ice cream,” and then three bites in, your stomach […]
🔥 How to Deal With a Bully
(Even When They’re Running the Damn Show) You know the type. The overcompensating swagger. The weaponized insecurity. The toddler-with-a-Twitter-account energy. Maybe it’s a schoolyard, maybe it’s your workplace, maybe it’s every time you turn on the news and scream into a pillow shaped like the Constitution. And maybe—just maybe—the bully isn’t just in the room. […]
The Masked Enforcers
Theater of the Absurd in Tactical Gear “Do I have to answer to you?”—Unidentified federal agent, Washington, D.C.(spoiler: yes, dipshit, you do) It starts like a scene from a discount dystopia. Not even a well-funded one—this is mid-budget fascism: shaky camera, overcompensating gear, the chaotic energy of a high school production of 1984 staged in […]
It’s Not the Ice Cream: Escaping the Cult of Diet Culture
How weight loss drugs, restriction, and moralized food thinking hijack your intuition—and what to do instead Welcome, dear apostates.Whether you know it or not, you were probably raised in a cult. Not ours—we’re charmingly unstable and spiritually hydrated. The one you were raised in? Diet Culture: a trillion-dollar, socially reinforced ideology disguised as healthcare. It […]