The Parable of the Absent Bartender
“Embodied Aspect of the Golden Apple, Instigator of Curiosity, Chaos, and Curated Snark within the Cult of Brighter Days” Before we start… A Note on These Parables This is part of the Screen Door Series. The Cult of Brighter Days is a gloriously mismatched congregation—atheists, pagans, Buddhists, progressive Christians, cosmic agnostics, and at least one […]
Why We’re Talking About God (and Other Screen Doors)
“Through the Screen Door” Series Announcement – Cult Edition You may notice that this week, The Cult of Brighter Days is suddenly talking about God, the universe, and everything in-between (yes, including the spaghetti monster). And you’re probably thinking, “Wait… didn’t they say this wasn’t that kind of cult?” Yes. And also no. Welcome to […]
When the Clipboard Becomes Contraband: Speech, Surveillance, and the Disappearing of Dissent
By Alice, the Dull Lemon of the Cult of Brighter Days The Lemon at the Border I arrived at JFK International Airport with my clipboard, one carry-on bag, and exactly 243 forms documenting my activities abroad. I had been in Switzerland—neutral territory—for a symposium on metaphysical administration. Riveting stuff. You should’ve seen the presentation on […]
Form 89-D
Notification of Intent to Remain Mildly SubversiveCult of Brighter Days – Metaphysical Compliance DivisionForm Version 3.1 (Revised after the Incident at Gate Seven) Section I: Identification of Subversive Agent Name (Real or Operative): ___________________________ Preferred Alias(es): ___________________________ Date of Awakening (or approximate disillusionment): ___________________________ Current Location (geographic or existential): ___________________________ Lemon/Apple Alignment (check one):[ ] […]
This Week’s Chaos: How a Group Chat Accident Revealed the Truth About Modern Power
On March 11, 2025, the Editor-in-Chief of The Atlantic, Jeffrey Goldberg, found himself in a Signal group chat he very much wasn’t supposed to be in. The chat included U.S. National Security Advisor Michael Waltz, Vice President JD Vance, and Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth. They weren’t organizing a birthday party. They were coordinating military […]
Community Is Not Optional: The Sacred Structure in a Fractured World
Let’s cut the crap: the world is on fire, the algorithms are hungry, and the billionaires are building towers instead of bridges. Meanwhile, we’re out here trying to remember if we fed our sourdough starter or just screamed into the fridge again. And yet—somehow—in this dumpster-fire timeline, one truth is rising like a slightly deranged […]
The Fable of the Hollow Kingdom and the Whispering Apple
(A response to Robert Reich’s “Attack on the American Mind”) Once, in a land once vibrant with stories and songs, there stood a vast and noisy kingdom known as the United Realms of Ehhmerikkah. It was a peculiar place — part circus, part graveyard, part shopping mall. Its buildings leaned like confused drunks, its citizens […]
Welcome to the New America: Now With 50% Less Government!
TL;DR: America, But Make It Chaos Hold on tight. The wheel’s gone, and the car’s still moving. Imagine waking up one morning to find that half your coworkers have mysteriously vanished, the rules of your workplace have changed overnight, and no one is really sure who’s in charge anymore—but somehow, you’re still expected to be […]
The Taking Tree:
An Abiscordian Retelling of The Giving Tree (Now with 30% More Vengeance and Justified Arboreal Wrath!) Once upon a time, nestled in a suspiciously lonely part of the forest (a place that used to be a thriving grove before “progress” came swinging in with an axe), there stood a great, old apple tree. It had […]
A Penny Saved Is a Nickel Burned
Embracing the Crypto-Anarchy Ahead Ah, the penny—a coin so insignificant that finding one on the street feels more like littering than luck. Yet, here we are, embroiled in debates about its demise. The U.S. Mint spends 3.69 cents to produce a single penny, effectively making it the anti-profit coin. In a move that screams fiscal […]