What In The Blessed Hell Is This?
On May 1, 2025, Donald Trump—yes, still—signed an executive order to create the Religious Liberty Commission (RLC), a federally funded altar to Christian nationalism disguised as a government office. If that sentence made your frontal lobe twitch, hold onto your communion wafers—it gets worse.
The RLC is framed as a noble restoration of “foundational American values.” What it actually is: a taxpayer-funded sermon written in legalese, commissioned by the same people who think “persecuted” means someone said “Happy Holidays” at Target.
What This Incense-Scented Disaster Actually Does
Here’s the breakdown, with fewer euphemisms and more clarity:
- It creates a 14-member commission made up of clergy, educators, business leaders, and politicians—the exact Avengers lineup you’d expect from a Chick-fil-A board meeting.
- It forms three advisory boards—because nothing says “urgent liberty crisis” like a faith-based tri-council of self-righteousness.
- It mandates a comprehensive report that includes:
- A handpicked history of religious liberty (spoiler: mostly white Christians),
- An index of supposed “threats” (e.g., children learning empathy),
- And legislation proposals designed to enshrine their theology into your Tuesday morning staff meeting.
They’re calling it a temporary commission, set to expire on July 4, 2026, but don’t be fooled: this is a pilot project for Gilead-lite. All the clerical control, none of the dystopian aesthetic—yet.
Hypocrisy So Loud It Has Its Own Choir
While Elon Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) is busy taking a chainsaw to AmeriCorps and declaring war on public sector jobs in the name of “lean governance,” the RLC is over here puffing out its ecclesiastical chest, pouring taxpayer dollars into legislative incense burners and rewriting history with a hymn sheet.
DOGE claims we can’t afford lunch programs or climate disaster prep. But there’s always room in the budget for theocratic fanfic, apparently.
Church, State, and the Slow March to Gilead
Let’s not sugarcoat it: the RLC is the soft launch of a Christian ethnostate, dressed in constitutional cosplay. Its mission is not religious freedom—it’s religious preference, and it’s aimed squarely at returning Christianity (the white, heterosexual, patriarchal kind) to its imagined place at the top of the food chain.
President Trump’s public questioning of the separation of church and state wasn’t a gaffe. It was a policy preview. And the RLC is the first draft.
This isn’t Gilead arriving with a bang—it’s arriving through a budget increase dressed like a benediction. A grim mirror to Pope Richard’s observation this week: sometimes justice begins with defunding, but injustice knows how to fund itself in triplicate.
Cult of Brighter Days Commentary: Bureaucratic Idolatry
From our lens: the RLC isn’t just misguided—it’s authoritarian with a filing cabinet. It is the ceremonial enforcement of a narrow moral framework, executed through institutional creep and wrapped in the language of liberty.
It’s Alice trying to redline a parable.
It’s George in open revolt with a glue stick and a manifesto.
It’s Pixel saying, “This timeline is statistically hilarious.”
Final Benediction (and Warning)
If you’re not Christian, straight, conservative, or useful to their narrative, the RLC is not here to defend your liberty—it’s here to sort, sanctify, and silence. This is a commission designed not for inclusion, but for curation. And what it excludes is everything threatening to their control.
Religious liberty does not mean religious supremacy.
And freedom without pluralism is just tyranny in a choir robe.
Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.
Do not let the bastards grind you down.
Especially not when they’re holding a government seal and a Trump Bible, flanked by commemorative steaks, gold-plated sneakers, and a diploma from a university that never legally existed.
