By: A Concerned Citizen with a Streaming Addiction
Some people face the collapse of civilization by volunteering. Others compost, meditate, or run for local office. I solve the world’s problems the old-fashioned way: by binge-watching 90s TV shows where alien invasions, dad issues, and global conspiracies all resolve in exactly 47 minutes.
Remember those shows? Law & Order, Star Trek: TNG, The West Wing, Touched by an Angel, even MacGyver—a time when presidents used full sentences, science made sense, and geopolitical crises fit neatly between commercial breaks. You could witness fraud, war crimes, or a metaphysical meltdown, grab a snack, and still be in bed by 10—comforted by the sense that someone, somewhere, had things under control.
It’s oddly reassuring to return to a world where the detective gets a full confession without a podcast, the FBI agent doesn’t believe in ghosts but respects due process, and the war criminal has the decency to monologue long enough to be caught.
I recently rewatched an episode of ER where a viral outbreak was contained—and emotionally resolved—before the credits. No one blamed the CDC. No one stormed the hospital with a flag and a GoPro. The biggest conflict? Dr. Carter forgot to say “I love you.” We moved on.
These shows taught us that any crisis could be solved with:
- A serious hallway conversation
- An impassioned monologue
- A shocking reveal involving someone’s ex-wife
And if not? There was always To Be Continued—a feature real life refuses to use responsibly.
So when I see climate collapse, political chaos, or billionaires LARPing as Roman emperors, I just hit play on The X-Files. Because even when the aliens are real and the government is lying, at least Mulder and Scully are trying.
No, I won’t be at your town hall. I’m already booked—solving capitalism with Sam Beckett, managing crises with CJ Cregg, and saving the future with Captain Picard.
Because in this cult, we believe in the power of the 47-minute resolution. And honestly? That’s more than Congress has managed lately.
