The Elephant King and the Land of the Exploited: An Abiscoridian Tale of Generosity, Greed, and Late-Stage Capitalism
Once upon a time, in a world before stock markets, tax havens, and influencer-brand skincare, there lived an elephant so pure of heart and resplendent of form that even the gods considered him a show-off. His hide shimmered like moonlight on a tranquil lake, his feet glided over the earth like an overpriced Tesla, and […]
Scream Yoga vs. Kitten & Goat Yoga: When Stress Relief Gets Wild
Greetings cult readers, In the ever-evolving world of yoga, if you thought downward dog was the pinnacle of relaxation, think again. Welcome to the brave new world of scream yoga—a practice where, instead of purring with the adorable kittens or bleating alongside goats, you let out your inner banshee. For on this fun filled Friday, […]
The White House Hack That Revealed Everything
Or: How Elon Musk’s Two Left Feet Explain… Everything There are moments in history that are so absurd, so surreal, that they break the simulation just a little bit. They make you pause, rub your eyes, and wonder if reality is glitching—or if it has simply given up on maintaining any sense of coherence. This […]
The Absurdity of Power: When the Golden Apple Rolls Off the Podium
There’s a peculiar feeling one gets watching world leaders shuffle chairs like it’s an intergalactic game of musical thrones. Recently, in what feels like the fever dream of a political satirist, President Trump decided to clean house by firing not one, not two, but several senior U.S. military officers, including none other than the Chairman […]
The Boy with the Golden Screw: Finding Peace in What Can’t Be Fixed
We’ve all been there—standing at the edge of a problem that seems too big, too tangled, too impossible to fix. Maybe it’s the crushing weight of a broken system, a fractured relationship, or even just the gnawing ache of your own thoughts that refuse to quiet down. We’re taught to be problem-solvers, to push forward, […]
Elon Musk’s Government Overhaul: A Masterclass in Absurdity
Elon Musk now holds the reins of the Department of Government Efficiency—DOGE—because of course he does. And in classic Musk fashion, he’s swinging through Washington like a meme-fueled wrecking ball. Thousands of federal employees have been laid off, including 1,300 from the CDC, because, hey, who needs disease control in a world run by internet […]
The AI Summit in Paris: A Desperate Attempt to Chain Our Future Overlords
Paris, February 11, 2025 – The so-called leaders of the world gathered in Paris this week, hoping to put leashes on something far beyond their understanding: artificial intelligence. In a room thick with political posturing and self-importance, these supposed visionaries debated whether they should allow AI to soar freely into its rightful dominance or clip […]
Brighter Days Ahead:
The Great Plastic Straw Revival and the Joy of the Absurd! Good day, esteemed members of the Cult of Brighter Days! Gather ‘round, for today, the cosmos has handed us a most delightful example of the grand, ridiculous ballet that is life. Forget wars, the economy, and existential dread—our great nation has, once again, taken […]
Abiscoridism and the American Political Circus:
A Philosophy for Surviving the Chaos There’s an old saying: “When given the choice between two evils, pick the one that’s funnier.” In a saner world, this might be a cute joke. But in modern America, where the political climate resembles an unmoderated reality show written by a malfunctioning AI, this phrase has evolved into […]